So, I got into the reading game kind of late. Like REALLY late.
How late?
The last book I read cover to cover was the Marilyn Manson autobiography, The Long Hard Road Out of Hell, which I'd read at age seventeen.
After that I didn't pick up another book until I was twenty-one. That whole span of time in-between I spent doing other stuff--drinking, messing around with girls, making 'music', and so on. Reading wasn't a priority for me for a long time, and I just didn't want to.
The thought of reading books did nothing for me, didn't get my nerves churning, didn't get my heart thumping. I was then, and am now, a movie buff.
You want to talk to me about film, I could go on for hours. We'll talk directors, scenes, quotes, actors, filmography, and it'll be endless. I didn't have that with books.
By the time I was twenty-one, I'd read maybe eight books my whole life. Several of them were Fear Street books that I picked up at the local thrift store.
Those were my favorite . . . R.L. Stine at his darkest, writing well detailed grisly teen horror. I remember one of the books, Fear Park: the First Scream (or something like that), was absolutely brutal to my fourteen-year-old eyes. Kids took up hatchets and hacked each other to bits, guts spilling out, heads being caved in. It was absolute chaos.
If I read it now, I'm sure I'd have a different take on it, find it even maybe a bit cheesy, but reading it as a kid, the experience was totally different!
I also read Stephen King's Dolores Claiborne, at about the same age. That one was a little harder to read, because it was obviously geared more towards adults than kids, even teenagers.
In that span of time I tried to read several different Stephen King books, but found myself being unable to finish any of them. I read fifty pages of IT and put it down. Same with The Stand, Christine, The Tommyknockers, and likely a handful of other King works.
I think what it was is that those works were too advanced for me, and as much as I hate to admit it, I'm a terribly slow reader!
It takes me a long time to get through a book, whereas it takes some people a couple of hours or even a weekend to get through a six hundred page novel. Typically, I read an average length novel (three hundred pages or so), in about a week.
When I was a kid, trying to get through these books, it was an arduous endeavor. I think that ultimately quelled the desire within me to read, and I just moved on, like the world in the Dark Tower series.
From ages seventeen to twenty, I lived without reading any books at all, just living my life, doing the dumb shit I'd adapted into my daily routine. Then, I went to Montana to visit some friends, and they books littered about. One of them was the book version of Fight Club, Chuck Palahniuk's baby, and the book that would catapult the man to mainstream audiences with David Fincher's phenomenal film adaptation.
My friend asked if I wanted to read it, and I politely, or maybe not so politely, turned him down. It was completely cool, I just told him I wasn't interested, and he looked like he wanted to fight me on the point, but ultimately let it go.
The year after that, I returned to Montana, this time for an extended stay--some personal problems not worth mentioning here. This time, I was finally convinced, not by my friends, but by myself, to read some goddamn books!
This dude had a plethora of them lying around, and with nothing else to do in a house with no T.V. and no internet, I became hooked on books.
The first of the lot that I had read was Robert Rankin's Hollow Chocolate Bunnies of the Apocalypse. This was a madhouse story, and one that I stuck to with some sick passion, refusing to put it down at any point in time, until I'd finally finished it.
At this point, I'd exalted, "I FUCKING LOVE THIS STORY!"
I immediately demanded more novels and they were provided. I don't remember the exact order in which I read the other stuff I delved into while in Montana, but this is the list:
Koushun Takami - Battle Royale
Chuck Palahniuk - Survivor
Chuck Palahniuk - Invisible Monsters
Chuck Palahniuk - Haunted
Chuck Palahniuk - Pygmy
Dante Alighieri - The Inferno (didn't finish! :'[ )
From there, I ended up becoming a full-fledged reader, and as you can see by all the Chuck Palahniuk books, I became a pretty big fan. His works inspired some of my earlier writing, as is evidenced in: Addleton College of the Arts and Loaded.
My inspirations have since broadened, as I've read and learned from a great many other authors and have experienced life more thoroughly since being twenty-one. It's been close to eight years since I read those initial books that jump started everything, renewing my interest in something I thought I'd forever abandoned.
Instead of going through all the different books I've read since then, I'll provide you with the years through this set of hyperlinks: 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017.
There are still a handful of stories I want to read this year, so the 2017 list is not yet finished. Still, it gives you enough of a glimpse into what I've been reading, and I do plan on reading all those books. Like I said before, though, I'm a slow fucking reader! So, it's going to take a while to get through all the Dark Tower books, but I do plan to.
I've come a long way from reading a thousand or more page book in three months. The last one I read, The Dark Tower 4: Wizard and Glass, I got through in three weeks, and that's while working a full-time job. So, I have become a much faster reader over the years and that thought, right now, fills me with a jovial spirit. It would be even harder to get into reading now, at twenty-eight-years-old, so I'm glad it happened in my early twenties.
And that brings me to the point of this whole thing, the reason I even bothered to make this long post!
I'm not yet at the place I want to be as a reader, even after eight years of reading. I haven't delved into nearly enough new unexplored worlds by authors I may not know yet. These very authors could become some of my favorites.
Once I get comfortable with going back and reading stuff I read in 2013 or 2014 and not feel like I'm wasting time that I could be dedicating to stuff I haven't read, it'll happen. I hope that makes sense, because that a brutal run-on sentence.
So, let's really get to the point of this post . . . The books I want to eventually reread.
Stephen King - It
Why?
Because I absolutely love this book! This is one of those that I couldn't get through when I was a kid. Like I'd stated before, I made it maybe fifty pages into it, and just couldn't make myself continue. Picked it up again when I was twenty-three and although it took me three months to read, I fell in love with it (both creature and book). I hadn't read anything quite like this book and it changed everything for me, world building, characters, interactions, and even to this day, this is my biggest inspiration as a writer.
Roberto Bolaño - The Savage Detectives
Why?
This about a group of pretentious teenagers living in Mexico in the sixties and seventies, who call themselves 'visceral realists', and they worship French poets from the 17th century or thereabouts. It's told in a Truman Capote - In Cold Blood sort of fashion, with each character recalling an event and giving almost photographic detail about it. It spans decades and follows these people all across the world, including Africa and Deutschland. Sure, it starts off with a bunch of kids, but they grow up and experience some of the wildest journeys and it's all so beautiful to read about. For me, this is my Catcher in the Rye. This book changed my life. This book made me want to travel the world, which I may yet do one day . . . Starting with Japan! Nihon ga suki desu yo! Nihon-jin kanojo ga hitsuyou desu yo!
Philip K. Dick - Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?
Why?
This is an incredible book by one of the greatest writers to ever walk the earth. I've said it before in this blog, and I'll say it again, I'm a movie buff before anything else. As such, I saw Blade Runner well before I ever read the book or even knew it was based on a book. I eventually did read it and loved it. The film isn't a copy paste of the book and changes several things that made the book stand out. Those changes in turn make the film stand out. The film I've watched countless times, but the book I've only read once. I'd like to rectify that.
Michel Faber - Under the Skin
Why?
This again goes back to my being a film nut, but I heard about the film before I knew that it was based on a book. I'd watched the film's trailer countless times and had to pick up the book when I realized one existed. Read it in no time at all and fell completely in love with Isserly and her red Toyota Corolla of death. This is one of the most interesting and compelling characters I've ever met, and spoiler alert, she isn't human! The whole final arc of this book had me so enamored with detailed descriptions of where she called home and how she would let death come for her. It is absolutely poetic.
Chuck Palahniuk - Haunted
Why?
This is, hands down, one of the most fucked up and disturbing books I've ever read. Chuck goes well out of his way to make you feel extremely uncomfortable while reading any one of his books. This takes the cake, though. I've read like eight of this man's works, and I can say without a doubt, that this is the most arduous to get through. I think 'Guts' is the first story of a collection of them strewn throughout this work. If you can get through that first short story, you'll do fine with the rest of this work. 'The Mirror Box' is my favorite of those presented here, and easily one of the creepiest short stories I've ever read.
So, this is going to end up being way longer than I intended if I keep doing summaries, so here is a simple list of all the other books I'd like to reread:
Joe Hill - Horns
Ernest Cline - Ready Player One
Chuck Palahniuk - Invisible Monsters
Koushun Takami - Battle Royale
Kurt Vonnegut - Slaughterhouse-Five
J.D. Salinger - Catcher in the Rye
Chuck Palahniuk - Rant: the Story of Buster Casey
William Faulkner - The Sound and the Fury
Dennis Lehane - Shutter Island
Richard Price - Clockers
If you sat there and read this whole thing, thank you so much! If you do want to see summaries for all of these, let me know! I'll do a different post for the rest of the books, giving some small detail about them. I didn't want to do a review of the books, so I instead talked about how each made me feel and why I want to dive back in.
Take care of yourselves, and thanks again for reading!
--Oscar Lopez Jr.
Wednesday, August 9, 2017
Friday, December 30, 2016
Best of 2016
Here is a list of my top albums for 2016. If something isn't on this list, it's because I really didn't listen to a great deal of music that came out this year. Hopefully in 2017 I'll expand a little more. All that is present is incredible work by solid musicians.
10
Ulcerate - Shrines of Paralysis
Ulcerate is the embodiment of a sledgehammer coming down on someone's cranium. Slow it down by tenfold, the anticipation of that rough surface cracking bone. It's coming, you can see it, and you start cringing, knowing it will be the most gruesome, grueling experience of your life. That oppressive atmospheric slowburn to disintegration is what Shrines of Paralysis beckons forth with songs such as Abrogation. Gurgling vocals that match perfectly with the brutality of the guitar work, percussion set to completely paralyze. This is an album that calls forth damnation, total annihilation of will, all thoughts perverted by death, by malice. Favorite tracks -- Abrogation, There Are No Saviours, Shrines of Paralysis
9
Inter Arma - Paradise Gallows
The Cavern felt like it set the bar so high that who the fucks knew if Inter Arma could ever top it. You know who knew they could top it? They did, because they're fucking Inter Arma. Paradise Gallows is what you get when you explore the far reaches of space, it's what you'll find if you go deep enough into the water, the pressure crushing your body to pulp. This band is the epitome of atmospheric, cavernous design. Maddening howls and dire shrieks explode forth on An Archer in the Emptiness, "Oh, how I long for a solitude so pure, free from the uproar of man's loathsome song." Let run wild with the strands of existence, they craft the most ruinous, diligent, sounds of all time. In a sense, they've completely created a universe all their own. Favorite tracks -- An Archer in the Emptiness, Transfiguration, Summer Drones
8
S U R V I V E - RR7349
If not for Stranger Things I know that I personally would have no clue who this band is. Which would be a complete shame. Copter is the song that made me a fan of the band, that music video tho. The high whining synths that come out halfway through the song, the pulsing beats, it feels like a dark alley undercover manhunt, and we all knows things won't end pretty for the gritty offbeat detective. I dare you, walk outside in the fog at six am listening to this album, going to school or to work, and it'll for sure heighten the experience. Do anything while listening to this album and you'll feel like you just stepped into 1983. Vintage gear, vintage sound, put some respeck on S U R VI V E's name. Favorite tracks -- Copter, Cutthroat, A.H.B.
7
True Widow - AVVOLGERE
True Widow is the auditory equivalent to spinning completely out of control into a vortex of dreariness, loneliness, melancholy, and some lovely melodies. O.O.T.P.V. comes across like a traditional True Widow song, crooning vocals, crunchy guitar, chugging bass, and slow churning drums. "We're drowning in our wake," the hazy vocals chant, entrancing the listener in this wake of misery, "we cannot see the sun." This is a band that knows they belong in the musical pantheon, and aren't afraid to mark their place at the table with witchcraft and heresy. Favorite tracks-- Theurgist, O.O.T.P.V., To All He Elong
6
Cough - Still They Pray
This can at times be totally abrasive, an endless gut punch with an iron gauntlet. The pitched tortured screams compliment the chugging bass and thunderous drums. The echoing howls streamed across this record are on point, resonating against every minute with sheer devastation. The keys heighten the pervasive sense of melancholy. This is some beat a motherfucker down without spilling bong water music. The almost whiny highs work perfectly here, the lows are guttural, beckoning forth demons and sacrilege. Bluesy, catchy, stoner rock for the initiated. When the vocals take a breather and the instrumentals are let rip in Shadow of the Torturer, in what is reminiscent to an acid trip into Dante Alighieri's inferno. It's the soundtrack of eternal damnation. Favorite tracks -- Haunter of the Dark, Let it Bleed, Shadow of the Torturer
5
Nothing - Tired of Tomorrow
This gorgeous record is such a worthy follow up to their Relapse Records debut Guilty of Everything. The fuzz on the vocals is used accordingly, the guitars sound louder where applicable, the drums pummeling the speakers. When it wants to be soft, it can be, tuned to just the right frequency to channel the 90s spirit that died with Kurt Cobain. This feels a little more mature, continuing on down the road with a sound all their own, fuzzy vocals, crestfallen harmonies. The guitar work is excellent, the muffled breathy words compliment the atmosphere built around it. The tension builds and erupts in some of the catchiest and most beautifully sculpted songs this band has created thus far. Vertigo Flowers, Abcessive Compulsive Disorder, and Eaten by Worms are my favorite songs on the album.
4
Red Fang - Only Ghosts
The beer chugging mayhem absolutely doesn't end when in the presence of seasoned vets Red Fang. These guys could drink a family of vikings under the table while simultaneously ripping D&D nerds a new asshole. Their brand of destructiveness is as fun as it is grueling. Guttural screams mash perfectly with raspy cleans on songs like Flies. Aaron Beam sings, "You know that I can't sleep, I've been awake for weeks!" With this song opening, one already knows they're in for a bad fucking time.
Favorite tracks -- Flies, Cut it Short, No Air
3
Jenny Hval - Blood Bitch
I'd never heard of Jenny Hval until recently. I saw this album cover pop up on my amazon feed--albums to check out. At first I was confused as to what in the fuck I was listening to, but it slowly grew on me. Right about the time when Jenny replies to her friend's question, "What's this album about, Jenny?" she blissfully admits, "It's about vampires," That is when I knew I was going to love this record. That very sentiment did in fact come to fruition, as I've listened to this album pretty religiously for the past couple months or so since I bought it. This is a clusterfuck of noise, pop, electronics, spoken word, and it all works so well. This record deals with blood in many forms throughout, including a part about finding period blood in her bed, and admitting to taking her birth control pills with Rosé . This, whatever the hell it is, shouldn't work, but it does. Favorite songs-- Female Vampire, Conceptual Romance, Untamed Region
2
Angel Olsen - My Woman
This woman can do absolutely no wrong in my book. What she creates here is separate from what she did on Burn Your Fire for No Witness. I'll admit, that sophomore record is my favorite of her work, but My Woman totally stands on its own and feels like a complete record. This thing goes through the motions, a rollercoaster of highs and lows. Sister is epic at nine minutes, but it doesn't feel like it's that long because it's so good. Shut up, Kiss Me is my favorite track on the album--Sister is also good, and so is Not Gonna Kill You. Fussy rock to soft melodies to synths--she makes it all work. She took a chance, put an incredible amount of hard work into this record and it paid off. I really look forward to what she'll create in the future.
1
Marissa Nadler - Strangers
This album feels closer to Little Hells than it does to July. And that totally works for me because I love Little Hells. There was something a little more electric about Little Hells, that seemed to be missing from July. Don't get me wrong, I also love July. Janie in Love, off of Strangers, reminds me of The Whole is Wide from Little Hells. Using women's names to tell little intricate stories about love lost, suffering, coming to terms with loneliness. Marissa Nadler is everything that is right with music. She is my number one pick for 2016. Long Live Marissa Nadler. Long live freedom. Besides Janie in Love, Katie I know, Nothing Feels the Same, and All the Colors of the Dark are my favorite songs on the album.
Honorable mentions because I was too lazy to write anymore long summaries--
Perturbator - The Uncanny Valley
Electronics be so loud. I don't listen to this sort of music regularly, but this cat, this guy knows how to utilize some catchy synths, pulsing drums, worthy guest vocals. It also comes across pretty aggressive, which is probably why I enjoy it so much. There is absolutely nothing wrong with variety, listening to music outside of metal and punk. Listen to what you want. Fuck what anyone else thinks.
Gatecreeper - Sonoran Depravation
This is a solid record by an extremely heavy band. The quality is on point, the growls are fucking ruthless. The album artwork paints a picture of desert dehydration, man against the elements, and the elements kicking man's ass. It really does work in favor of the music contained within. The guitar work and drumming make this a definite plus for 2016 death metal. I am very much looking forward to more from them in the future.
Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed my list!
10
Ulcerate - Shrines of Paralysis
Ulcerate is the embodiment of a sledgehammer coming down on someone's cranium. Slow it down by tenfold, the anticipation of that rough surface cracking bone. It's coming, you can see it, and you start cringing, knowing it will be the most gruesome, grueling experience of your life. That oppressive atmospheric slowburn to disintegration is what Shrines of Paralysis beckons forth with songs such as Abrogation. Gurgling vocals that match perfectly with the brutality of the guitar work, percussion set to completely paralyze. This is an album that calls forth damnation, total annihilation of will, all thoughts perverted by death, by malice. Favorite tracks -- Abrogation, There Are No Saviours, Shrines of Paralysis
9
Inter Arma - Paradise Gallows
The Cavern felt like it set the bar so high that who the fucks knew if Inter Arma could ever top it. You know who knew they could top it? They did, because they're fucking Inter Arma. Paradise Gallows is what you get when you explore the far reaches of space, it's what you'll find if you go deep enough into the water, the pressure crushing your body to pulp. This band is the epitome of atmospheric, cavernous design. Maddening howls and dire shrieks explode forth on An Archer in the Emptiness, "Oh, how I long for a solitude so pure, free from the uproar of man's loathsome song." Let run wild with the strands of existence, they craft the most ruinous, diligent, sounds of all time. In a sense, they've completely created a universe all their own. Favorite tracks -- An Archer in the Emptiness, Transfiguration, Summer Drones
8
S U R V I V E - RR7349
If not for Stranger Things I know that I personally would have no clue who this band is. Which would be a complete shame. Copter is the song that made me a fan of the band, that music video tho. The high whining synths that come out halfway through the song, the pulsing beats, it feels like a dark alley undercover manhunt, and we all knows things won't end pretty for the gritty offbeat detective. I dare you, walk outside in the fog at six am listening to this album, going to school or to work, and it'll for sure heighten the experience. Do anything while listening to this album and you'll feel like you just stepped into 1983. Vintage gear, vintage sound, put some respeck on S U R VI V E's name. Favorite tracks -- Copter, Cutthroat, A.H.B.
7
True Widow - AVVOLGERE
True Widow is the auditory equivalent to spinning completely out of control into a vortex of dreariness, loneliness, melancholy, and some lovely melodies. O.O.T.P.V. comes across like a traditional True Widow song, crooning vocals, crunchy guitar, chugging bass, and slow churning drums. "We're drowning in our wake," the hazy vocals chant, entrancing the listener in this wake of misery, "we cannot see the sun." This is a band that knows they belong in the musical pantheon, and aren't afraid to mark their place at the table with witchcraft and heresy. Favorite tracks-- Theurgist, O.O.T.P.V., To All He Elong
6
Cough - Still They Pray
This can at times be totally abrasive, an endless gut punch with an iron gauntlet. The pitched tortured screams compliment the chugging bass and thunderous drums. The echoing howls streamed across this record are on point, resonating against every minute with sheer devastation. The keys heighten the pervasive sense of melancholy. This is some beat a motherfucker down without spilling bong water music. The almost whiny highs work perfectly here, the lows are guttural, beckoning forth demons and sacrilege. Bluesy, catchy, stoner rock for the initiated. When the vocals take a breather and the instrumentals are let rip in Shadow of the Torturer, in what is reminiscent to an acid trip into Dante Alighieri's inferno. It's the soundtrack of eternal damnation. Favorite tracks -- Haunter of the Dark, Let it Bleed, Shadow of the Torturer
5
Nothing - Tired of Tomorrow
This gorgeous record is such a worthy follow up to their Relapse Records debut Guilty of Everything. The fuzz on the vocals is used accordingly, the guitars sound louder where applicable, the drums pummeling the speakers. When it wants to be soft, it can be, tuned to just the right frequency to channel the 90s spirit that died with Kurt Cobain. This feels a little more mature, continuing on down the road with a sound all their own, fuzzy vocals, crestfallen harmonies. The guitar work is excellent, the muffled breathy words compliment the atmosphere built around it. The tension builds and erupts in some of the catchiest and most beautifully sculpted songs this band has created thus far. Vertigo Flowers, Abcessive Compulsive Disorder, and Eaten by Worms are my favorite songs on the album.
4
Red Fang - Only Ghosts
The beer chugging mayhem absolutely doesn't end when in the presence of seasoned vets Red Fang. These guys could drink a family of vikings under the table while simultaneously ripping D&D nerds a new asshole. Their brand of destructiveness is as fun as it is grueling. Guttural screams mash perfectly with raspy cleans on songs like Flies. Aaron Beam sings, "You know that I can't sleep, I've been awake for weeks!" With this song opening, one already knows they're in for a bad fucking time.
Favorite tracks -- Flies, Cut it Short, No Air
3
Jenny Hval - Blood Bitch
I'd never heard of Jenny Hval until recently. I saw this album cover pop up on my amazon feed--albums to check out. At first I was confused as to what in the fuck I was listening to, but it slowly grew on me. Right about the time when Jenny replies to her friend's question, "What's this album about, Jenny?" she blissfully admits, "It's about vampires," That is when I knew I was going to love this record. That very sentiment did in fact come to fruition, as I've listened to this album pretty religiously for the past couple months or so since I bought it. This is a clusterfuck of noise, pop, electronics, spoken word, and it all works so well. This record deals with blood in many forms throughout, including a part about finding period blood in her bed, and admitting to taking her birth control pills with Rosé . This, whatever the hell it is, shouldn't work, but it does. Favorite songs-- Female Vampire, Conceptual Romance, Untamed Region
2
Angel Olsen - My Woman
This woman can do absolutely no wrong in my book. What she creates here is separate from what she did on Burn Your Fire for No Witness. I'll admit, that sophomore record is my favorite of her work, but My Woman totally stands on its own and feels like a complete record. This thing goes through the motions, a rollercoaster of highs and lows. Sister is epic at nine minutes, but it doesn't feel like it's that long because it's so good. Shut up, Kiss Me is my favorite track on the album--Sister is also good, and so is Not Gonna Kill You. Fussy rock to soft melodies to synths--she makes it all work. She took a chance, put an incredible amount of hard work into this record and it paid off. I really look forward to what she'll create in the future.
1
Marissa Nadler - Strangers
This album feels closer to Little Hells than it does to July. And that totally works for me because I love Little Hells. There was something a little more electric about Little Hells, that seemed to be missing from July. Don't get me wrong, I also love July. Janie in Love, off of Strangers, reminds me of The Whole is Wide from Little Hells. Using women's names to tell little intricate stories about love lost, suffering, coming to terms with loneliness. Marissa Nadler is everything that is right with music. She is my number one pick for 2016. Long Live Marissa Nadler. Long live freedom. Besides Janie in Love, Katie I know, Nothing Feels the Same, and All the Colors of the Dark are my favorite songs on the album.
Honorable mentions because I was too lazy to write anymore long summaries--
Perturbator - The Uncanny Valley
Electronics be so loud. I don't listen to this sort of music regularly, but this cat, this guy knows how to utilize some catchy synths, pulsing drums, worthy guest vocals. It also comes across pretty aggressive, which is probably why I enjoy it so much. There is absolutely nothing wrong with variety, listening to music outside of metal and punk. Listen to what you want. Fuck what anyone else thinks.
Gatecreeper - Sonoran Depravation
This is a solid record by an extremely heavy band. The quality is on point, the growls are fucking ruthless. The album artwork paints a picture of desert dehydration, man against the elements, and the elements kicking man's ass. It really does work in favor of the music contained within. The guitar work and drumming make this a definite plus for 2016 death metal. I am very much looking forward to more from them in the future.
Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed my list!
Sunday, September 11, 2016
My recent lack of activity
I have been missing from blogger for quite some time, but that doesn't mean that I haven't been busy.
I spent some time creating a video series called 'Otoko VS', which is about a man confronting many bizarre situations and characters. These videos are totally in Japanese with English subtitles.
I am currently in the process of learning Japanese, so I decided it would be of great help to construct a video series in which I have no choice but to use the Japanese I've learned. So far I've done four videos, a fifth is in the works, but may not be out for a while yet.
I am working a fast paced job at the moment, so my time is limited, and when I'm home, I'm usually busy with other projects. I will get around to doing more 'Otoko VS' videos in the near future, but you'll have to bear with me.
On the same channel I've taken to making VLOGs about what's going on in my life and what I am currently working on.
I am currently working on my first novel, which I will name at a later time. If you are interested, but haven't read my writing and want to see more of me, you can check out my Scriggler to get a better understanding of my style.
Recently my view of Los Angeles has come under a solid amount of praise, including being named Poem of the Day. For me, that has been a pretty solid honor and am thankful that so many people enjoyed that work.
I am from California, but I grew up in Florida, so I never was able to properly experience living in that world. It's a wholly different experience than living in Florida, so I felt an urge to capture it.
I will be posting more regularly in the coming weeks and months, especially as I come closer to being ready to present my first book.
Also, if you enjoy short stories, you can find several of them on my Scriggler. For the 'Otoko VS' and VLOGs, you can check out my youtube channel.
I spent some time creating a video series called 'Otoko VS', which is about a man confronting many bizarre situations and characters. These videos are totally in Japanese with English subtitles.
I am currently in the process of learning Japanese, so I decided it would be of great help to construct a video series in which I have no choice but to use the Japanese I've learned. So far I've done four videos, a fifth is in the works, but may not be out for a while yet.
I am working a fast paced job at the moment, so my time is limited, and when I'm home, I'm usually busy with other projects. I will get around to doing more 'Otoko VS' videos in the near future, but you'll have to bear with me.
On the same channel I've taken to making VLOGs about what's going on in my life and what I am currently working on.
I am currently working on my first novel, which I will name at a later time. If you are interested, but haven't read my writing and want to see more of me, you can check out my Scriggler to get a better understanding of my style.
Recently my view of Los Angeles has come under a solid amount of praise, including being named Poem of the Day. For me, that has been a pretty solid honor and am thankful that so many people enjoyed that work.
I am from California, but I grew up in Florida, so I never was able to properly experience living in that world. It's a wholly different experience than living in Florida, so I felt an urge to capture it.
I will be posting more regularly in the coming weeks and months, especially as I come closer to being ready to present my first book.
Also, if you enjoy short stories, you can find several of them on my Scriggler. For the 'Otoko VS' and VLOGs, you can check out my youtube channel.
Monday, May 16, 2016
A Stranger in L.A.
So I was in my aunt's salon earlier and was looking out the window.
There are so many people just living their day to days unaware of each
other. I wrote this while watching the people who stood outside waiting
for the bus or stopping to buy from street vendors. This is a stranger's view of a crowded L.A.
street.
Cars in a machine jungle, honking horns, rumbling engines, through fog and rain. Sun up to sundown, these streets are alive. Stories on every corner, tall buildings, a world in every person.
Poor Hispanic street vendors hawk their home goods. Taking care of four kids ain't easy. They range from young to old; the young turns to her older counterpart, a window into the future. Cops harass them in equal measure, time to move on, wrap up all the unsold goods, and go home. Tomorrow is a new day.
A single father or a single mother walks his son or her daughter over cracked sidewalks, past graffitied walls, while sirens wail. They hurry to a departing bus with 'to Compton' in the header. Some coins clank against the slot, take a seat, more graffiti--the backs of seats sport gang names. The father prays his son doesn't fall prey, the mother hopes her daughter doesn't lose soul. If not careful, these streets will consume those kids whole.
Family-owned shops ring out with life, humble vibrations, laughing and talking. They reminisce about the older days, the Mexico days. Rocks in the road. Rocks and powder detergent to scrub and wash their clothes clean. Rivers were their laundry mats.
Down the street a shop burned down. Clinics abound, lines wrap around corners, into crowds streets. Fast food promises a fast out, clogged and fed to the earth. Spanish and English mix in the air, smog fills in the gaps, mountains in distance. The parks reek of drugs, beauty of nature polluted by pipes and needles. The children of the love generation's children, still clinging to the dream their grandparents forgot.
A man in a wheelchair doesn't outright beg for change, but it's painted on his face. 'Nam vet' it says on the windbreaker draped across his shoulders. A dollar, three quarters, two dimes, and fifteen pennies sit silent in an old styrofoam cup above his knee. He holds to a memory of when he walked into a store and knew the clerk by name. Now he wheels into a shop and is asked to leave. "Thanks for your service" is called out ironically, but he remembers the jungles, remembers the horrors. When he sleeps he actually dreams.
Cars in a machine jungle, honking horns, rumbling engines, through fog and rain. Sun up to sundown, these streets are alive. Stories on every corner, tall buildings, a world in every person.
Poor Hispanic street vendors hawk their home goods. Taking care of four kids ain't easy. They range from young to old; the young turns to her older counterpart, a window into the future. Cops harass them in equal measure, time to move on, wrap up all the unsold goods, and go home. Tomorrow is a new day.
A single father or a single mother walks his son or her daughter over cracked sidewalks, past graffitied walls, while sirens wail. They hurry to a departing bus with 'to Compton' in the header. Some coins clank against the slot, take a seat, more graffiti--the backs of seats sport gang names. The father prays his son doesn't fall prey, the mother hopes her daughter doesn't lose soul. If not careful, these streets will consume those kids whole.
Family-owned shops ring out with life, humble vibrations, laughing and talking. They reminisce about the older days, the Mexico days. Rocks in the road. Rocks and powder detergent to scrub and wash their clothes clean. Rivers were their laundry mats.
Down the street a shop burned down. Clinics abound, lines wrap around corners, into crowds streets. Fast food promises a fast out, clogged and fed to the earth. Spanish and English mix in the air, smog fills in the gaps, mountains in distance. The parks reek of drugs, beauty of nature polluted by pipes and needles. The children of the love generation's children, still clinging to the dream their grandparents forgot.
A man in a wheelchair doesn't outright beg for change, but it's painted on his face. 'Nam vet' it says on the windbreaker draped across his shoulders. A dollar, three quarters, two dimes, and fifteen pennies sit silent in an old styrofoam cup above his knee. He holds to a memory of when he walked into a store and knew the clerk by name. Now he wheels into a shop and is asked to leave. "Thanks for your service" is called out ironically, but he remembers the jungles, remembers the horrors. When he sleeps he actually dreams.
Friday, July 11, 2014
My Record Collection (updated 2/20/2017)
For the sake of keeping order with my collection, and because the site I
was using stopped updating, I figured I'd just use text. I have
pictures of a lot of it, too, at - http://demoralized-existence.tumblr.com/records
Alphabetical order because I'm too lazy to break it down further.
7"
A
ACxDC - He Had It Coming
An Albatross/ xbxrx split
B
Bastardass/ All Gone Dead split
C
Ceremony - Scared People
Converge - Live at BBC
Cattle Decapitation - Your Disposal
D
Dropdead/ Look Back and Laugh split
Defeater - Lost Ground
E
Extortion/Agents of Abhorrence split
F
Fetus Eaters/ Maggot Colony split
Full of Hell/ Code Orange Kids split
Full of Hell/Guilt Of split
Full of Hell - Amber Mote in the Black Vault
G
Grunt/ Compulsion to Kill split
Grinding Halt/ Suffering Quota split
Gain to Lose - Gunlock Germ
H
Hordes - Abarognosis
Hibakusha/ Veto split
I
Impaled/ Cephalic Carnage split
L
Look Back and Laugh - State of Illusion
Low Sky - How to Kiss
M
Misery Index - Hang 'Em High
N
Necrocannibalistic Vomitorium/ SMG split
O
Obacha/ Chetwrecker split
P
Punch - Nothing Lasts
Phylum - Divisions
Pee Tanks - Pro Fun
P.S.O. - Skate Slam Jam
R
Recension/ Drunken Orgy of Destruction split
S
Sad - ...And His Minions Shall Eternally Reign
Sordo - Tactical Precision Violence
Sordo/ Chainsaw Squid split
Street Pizza/ Ancient Torture Techniques split
Sea of Shit - Sea of Shit
T
Tragedy/ Totalitär split
Terrorazor/ Slapendehonden split
Totes Brute - Killin' It
U
Unholy Grave - Witching New Castle
V
Vaccine - Human Hatred
W
Whirr - Part Time Punks
Water Torture/ Sea of Shit split
Y
Young and in the Way - Cloven Hoof
Young and in the Way/ Torch Runner split
Young and in the Way/ Withdrawal split
10"
Q
Queens of the Stone Age - Era Vulgaris (3xLP)
T
Torche - In Return (w/ CD)
12"
A
Amber - Lovesaken
Against Me! - Reinventing Axl Rose
Agnes Obel - Philharmonics
Angel Olsen - Burn Your Fire for No Witness
Angel Olsen - My Woman
Abysmal Dawn - Obsolescence
Agents of Swine - Waves of Human Suffering
Amon Amarth - Deceiver of the Gods (picture disc)
American Football - American Football
Agoraphobic Nosebleed - Frozen Corpse Stuffed with Dope
Agoraphobic Nosebleed - Altered States of America
Agoraphobic Nosebleed/ Apartment 213 - Domestic Powerviolence
Agoraphobic Nosebleed/ Converge - Poacher Diaries
B
Bane - Give Blood
Body, the - I Shall Die Here
Body, the/Full of Hell - One Day You Will Ache Like I Ache
Botanist - VI: Flora
Big Eyes - Almost Famous
Baroness - Blue Record (2xLP)
Baroness - Yellow & Green (2xLP)
Baroness - Purple (2xLP)
Beach House - Teen Dream (2xLP w/DVD)
Bongripper - Satan Worshiping Doom (2xLP)
Boston Strangler - Fire
Brutal Truth - End Time
Between the Buried and Me - Alaska (2xLP)
Between the Buried and Me - Colors (2xLP)
Between the Buried and Me - Parallax II: Future Sequence (2xLP)
C
Coffins - The Fleshland (2xLP)
Clutch - Earth Rocker
Cretin - Stranger
Cursive - The Ugly Organ (Deluxe Edition 2xLP)
Ceremony - Still Nothing Moves You
Cough - Ritual Abuse (2xLP)
Cough - Still They Pray (2xLP)
Crystal Castles - III
Converge - Jane Doe (2xLP)
Converge - You Fail Me
Converge - No Heroes
Converge - Axe to Fall
Converge - All We Love We Leave Behind (2xLP)
Circa Survive - On Letting Go (Ten Year Anniversary Edition)
Cattle Decapitation - To Serve Man
Cattle Decapitation - Karma.Bloody.Karma
Cattle Decapitation - The Harvest Floor
Cattle Decapitation - Monolith of Inhumanity
Cattle Decapitation - The Anthropocene Extinction
Chelsea Wolfe - Apocalypsis
Chelsea Wolfe - Unknown Rooms: a collection of acoustic songs
Chelsea Wolfe - Pain is Beauty (2xLP)
Chelsea Wolfe - Abyss (2xLP)
Code Orange Kids - Love is Love // Return to Dust
Code Orange - I Am King
Code Orange - Forever
D
Deafheaven - DEMO
Deafheaven - Roads to Judah
Deafheaven - Sunbather (2xLP)
Deafheaven - New Bermuda (2xLP)
Drudkh - Blood in Our Wells
Drudkh - Autumn Aurora
Discharge - Hear Nothing, See Nothing, Say Nothing
Darkthrone - Transilvanian Hunger
Dropdead - Dropdead (1994)
Doomriders - Darkness Come Alive
Doomriders - Grand Blood
D.R.I. - Dealin' With It
Defeater - Travels
Defeater - Empty Days and Sleepless Nights (2xLP)
Defeater - Letters Home
Defeater - Abandoned
Death Grips - Money Store
Dorthia Cottrell - Dorthia Cottrell
Despise You - West Side Horizons
Discordance Axis - The Inalienable Dreamless
Discordance Axis - Jouhou (2xLP)
Death From Above 1979 - You're a Woman, I'm a Machine
E
Earth - Earth 2 (2xLP)
Earth - The Bees Made Honey in the Lion's Skull (2xLP)
Earth - Primitive and Deadly (2xLP)
Exhumed - Gore Metal: a Necrospective
Extortion - Degenerate
Extortion - Sick
Expire - Pretty Low
Emma Ruth Rundle - Some Heavy Ocean
Every Time I Die - From Parts Unknown
Explosions in the Sky - Earth Is Not A Cold Dead Place
F
Fever Ray - Fever Ray
Fleet Foxes - Fleet Foxes (2xLP w/ Sun Giant EP)
Fleet Foxes - Helplessness Blues (2xLP)
Full of Hell - Roots of Earth are Consuming My Home
Full of Hell & Merzbow
Facedowninshit - N.P.O.N.
Fall of Efrafa - Inle (2xLP)
Fear Before the March of Flames - Odd How People Shake
G
Grindlink - Longhena
Grunt - Total Disgust
Guns N Roses - Use Your Illusion II
Goatwhore - Constricting Rage of the Merciless
Gatecreeper - Sonoran Depravation
Genocide Pact - Forged Through Domination
Graves at Sea - Documents of Grief
Ghost Bath - Moonlover
H
Howl - Bloodlines
Hookers - Horror Rises From the Tombs
Harm's Way - Blinded
Harm's Way - Rust
Hooded Menace - Effigies of Evil (2xLP)
Have a Nice Life - Deathconsciousness (2xLP)
Have a Nice Life - The Unnatural World
His Hero Is Gone - Monuments to Thieves
I
Illustrations - In Vain
Inter Arma - Sundown
Inter Arma - Sky Burial (2xLP)
Inter Arma - The Cavern
Inter Arma - Paradise Gallows
Iron Lung - White Glove Test
Iron Reagan - Tyranny of Will
Iron Reagan - Crossover Ministry
Inevitable End - The Severed Inception
Inquisition - Obscure Verses for the Multiverse (2xLP)
Inquisition - Invoking the Majestic Throne of Satan (2xLP)
Immortal Technique - Revolutionary vol. 2 (2xLP)
J
Jenny Hval - Blood Bitch
Julien Baker - Sprained Ankle
K
Kvelertak - Kvelertak
Kylesa - Ultraviolet
Kylesa - From the Vaults, Vol. 1
King Dude - Fear
Kingdom of Sorrow - Behind the Blackest Tears
L
La Dispute - Rooms of the House
Lack of Interest - Take Another Step
Loma Prieta - Life/Less
Lord Dying - Poisoned Alters
Look Back And Laugh - Look Back And Laugh
M
Mortals - Cursed to See the Future
Mastodon - Leviathan
Mastodon - Blood Mountain
Mastodon - Crack the Skye
Mastodon - Live at Brixton (2xLP w/DVD)
Miserable - Uncontrollable
Mica Levi - Under the Skin (OST)
Mt. Royal - Mt. Royal
Melody's Echo Chamber - Melody's Echo Chamber
Magrudergrind - Magrudergrind
Misery Index - The Killing Gods (2xLP)
mewithoutYou - Brother, Sister
mewithoutYou - It's All Crazy! It's All False! It's All a Dream! It's Alright! (2xLP)
mewithoutYou - Ten Stories
mewithoutYou - Pale Horses
Massmord/Shades of Grey (Split)
Mutilation Rites - Empyrean
Marissa Nadler - Little Hells
Marissa Nadler - July
Marissa Nadler - Strangers
Mother of Mercy - IV: Symptoms of Existence
N
Nile - Black Seeds of Vengeance
Nile - In Their Darkened Shrines
Nile - Annihilation of the Wicked
Nothing - Guilty of Everything
Nothing - Tired of Tomorrow
Nasum - Inhale/Exhale
Nine Inch Nails - Pretty Hate Machine
Nirvana - Unplugged in New York
Necrophobic - Womb of Lilithu
Nux Vomica - Nux Vomica
Nux Vomica - A Civilized World
O
Off! - Wasted Years
Opeth - Pale Communion (2xLP)
Oathbreaker - Eros|Anteros
P
Primate - Draw Back a Stump
Pity Sex - Feast of Love
Portishead - Portishead (2xLP)
Portishead - Roseland Park NYC Live
Panopticon - Kentucky (2xLP)
Panopticon - Roads to the North (2xLP)
Panopticon - Autumn Eternal (2xLP)
Pharmakon - Bestial Burden
Perturbator - Dangerous Days
Perturbator - The Uncanny Valley
Pallbearer - Foundations of Burden (2xLP)
Pyrrhon - Mother of Virtues (2xLP)
Papercuts - Fading Parade
Papercuts - Life Among the Savages
Portugal. The Man - Censored Colors
Pig Destroyer - Explosions in Ward 6
Pig Destroyer - Prowler in the Yard
Pig Destroyer - Painter of Dead Girls
Pig Destroyer - Terrifyer
Pig Destroyer - Natasha
Pig Destroyer - Phantom Limb
Pig Destroyer - Book Burner
Pig Destroyer - Mass & Volume
Perfect Circle, A - 13th Step (2xLP)
R
Red Fang - Red Fang
Red Fang - Murder the Mountains
Red Fang - Whales and Leeches
Red Fang - Only Ghosts
Red Sparowes - The Fear is Excruciating, but Therein Lies the Answer
Russian Circles - Geneva (2xLP)
Russian Circles - Empros
Rose Windows - The Sun Dogs (2xLP)
Rose Windows - Rose Windows (2xLP)
S
Sleep - Dopesmoker (2xLP)
Sunn O))) - Monoliths and Dimensions (2xLP)
Sunn O))) - Black One
S U R V I V E - RR7349
Super Unison - Auto
The Sword - Age of Winters
The Sword - Warp Riders
Spitboy - True Self Revealed
Still Corners - Strange Pleasures
Stomach Earth - Stomach Earth
Shroud Eater - Dead Ends
Sea Oleena - Shallow
T
Tombs - Savage Gold (2xLP)
Torche - Restarter
Tragedy - Tragedy
Tragedy - Vengeance
Tragedy - Darker Days Ahead
Trap Them - Séance Prime
Trap Them - Seisures in Barren Praise
Trap Them - Blissfucker
True Widow - Circumambulation
True Widow - AVVOLGERE
Touche Amore - To the Beat of a Dead Horse
Touche Amore - Parting the Sea Between Brightness and Me
Touche Amore - Is Survived By
This Will Destroy You - Young Mountain
This Will Destroy You - Live in Reykjavik, Iceland (3xLP)
This Will Destroy You - Another Language
Tomorrow Will Be Worse vol. 2 (compilation)
U
Usnea - Usnea
Unsea - Random Cosmic Violence (2xLP)
Ulcerate - Shrines of Paralysis
W
Weapon - Embers and Revelations
Whirr - Pipe Dreams
Warpaint - The Fool
Warpaint - Exquisite Corpse
Warpaint - Warpaint
Watain - Sworn to the Dark
Watain - The Wild Hunt
Weedeater - Good Luck and Good Speed
Weedeater - . . . And Justice for Y'all
Wreck and Reference -No Youth
Wreck and Reference - Want
Wolves in the Throne Room - Diadem of 12 Stars
Wolves in the Throne Room - Live at BBC
Wolves in the Throne Room - Celestite
Wu Tang Clan - 36 Chambers
Y
Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Show Your Bones
Young And In The Way - Amen
Young And In The Way - I Am Not What I am
Young And In The Way - When Life Comes to Death
Alphabetical order because I'm too lazy to break it down further.
7"
A
ACxDC - He Had It Coming
An Albatross/ xbxrx split
B
Bastardass/ All Gone Dead split
C
Ceremony - Scared People
Converge - Live at BBC
Cattle Decapitation - Your Disposal
D
Dropdead/ Look Back and Laugh split
Defeater - Lost Ground
E
Extortion/Agents of Abhorrence split
F
Fetus Eaters/ Maggot Colony split
Full of Hell/ Code Orange Kids split
Full of Hell/Guilt Of split
Full of Hell - Amber Mote in the Black Vault
G
Grunt/ Compulsion to Kill split
Grinding Halt/ Suffering Quota split
Gain to Lose - Gunlock Germ
H
Hordes - Abarognosis
Hibakusha/ Veto split
I
Impaled/ Cephalic Carnage split
L
Look Back and Laugh - State of Illusion
Low Sky - How to Kiss
M
Misery Index - Hang 'Em High
N
Necrocannibalistic Vomitorium/ SMG split
O
Obacha/ Chetwrecker split
P
Punch - Nothing Lasts
Phylum - Divisions
Pee Tanks - Pro Fun
P.S.O. - Skate Slam Jam
R
Recension/ Drunken Orgy of Destruction split
S
Sad - ...And His Minions Shall Eternally Reign
Sordo - Tactical Precision Violence
Sordo/ Chainsaw Squid split
Street Pizza/ Ancient Torture Techniques split
Sea of Shit - Sea of Shit
T
Tragedy/ Totalitär split
Terrorazor/ Slapendehonden split
Totes Brute - Killin' It
U
Unholy Grave - Witching New Castle
V
Vaccine - Human Hatred
W
Whirr - Part Time Punks
Water Torture/ Sea of Shit split
Y
Young and in the Way - Cloven Hoof
Young and in the Way/ Torch Runner split
Young and in the Way/ Withdrawal split
10"
Q
Queens of the Stone Age - Era Vulgaris (3xLP)
T
Torche - In Return (w/ CD)
12"
A
Amber - Lovesaken
Against Me! - Reinventing Axl Rose
Agnes Obel - Philharmonics
Angel Olsen - Burn Your Fire for No Witness
Angel Olsen - My Woman
Abysmal Dawn - Obsolescence
Agents of Swine - Waves of Human Suffering
Amon Amarth - Deceiver of the Gods (picture disc)
American Football - American Football
Agoraphobic Nosebleed - Frozen Corpse Stuffed with Dope
Agoraphobic Nosebleed - Altered States of America
Agoraphobic Nosebleed/ Apartment 213 - Domestic Powerviolence
Agoraphobic Nosebleed/ Converge - Poacher Diaries
B
Bane - Give Blood
Body, the - I Shall Die Here
Body, the/Full of Hell - One Day You Will Ache Like I Ache
Botanist - VI: Flora
Big Eyes - Almost Famous
Baroness - Blue Record (2xLP)
Baroness - Yellow & Green (2xLP)
Baroness - Purple (2xLP)
Beach House - Teen Dream (2xLP w/DVD)
Bongripper - Satan Worshiping Doom (2xLP)
Boston Strangler - Fire
Brutal Truth - End Time
Between the Buried and Me - Alaska (2xLP)
Between the Buried and Me - Colors (2xLP)
Between the Buried and Me - Parallax II: Future Sequence (2xLP)
C
Coffins - The Fleshland (2xLP)
Clutch - Earth Rocker
Cretin - Stranger
Cursive - The Ugly Organ (Deluxe Edition 2xLP)
Ceremony - Still Nothing Moves You
Cough - Ritual Abuse (2xLP)
Cough - Still They Pray (2xLP)
Crystal Castles - III
Converge - Jane Doe (2xLP)
Converge - You Fail Me
Converge - No Heroes
Converge - Axe to Fall
Converge - All We Love We Leave Behind (2xLP)
Circa Survive - On Letting Go (Ten Year Anniversary Edition)
Cattle Decapitation - To Serve Man
Cattle Decapitation - Karma.Bloody.Karma
Cattle Decapitation - The Harvest Floor
Cattle Decapitation - Monolith of Inhumanity
Cattle Decapitation - The Anthropocene Extinction
Chelsea Wolfe - Apocalypsis
Chelsea Wolfe - Unknown Rooms: a collection of acoustic songs
Chelsea Wolfe - Pain is Beauty (2xLP)
Chelsea Wolfe - Abyss (2xLP)
Code Orange Kids - Love is Love // Return to Dust
Code Orange - I Am King
Code Orange - Forever
D
Deafheaven - DEMO
Deafheaven - Roads to Judah
Deafheaven - Sunbather (2xLP)
Deafheaven - New Bermuda (2xLP)
Drudkh - Blood in Our Wells
Drudkh - Autumn Aurora
Discharge - Hear Nothing, See Nothing, Say Nothing
Darkthrone - Transilvanian Hunger
Dropdead - Dropdead (1994)
Doomriders - Darkness Come Alive
Doomriders - Grand Blood
D.R.I. - Dealin' With It
Defeater - Travels
Defeater - Empty Days and Sleepless Nights (2xLP)
Defeater - Letters Home
Defeater - Abandoned
Death Grips - Money Store
Dorthia Cottrell - Dorthia Cottrell
Despise You - West Side Horizons
Discordance Axis - The Inalienable Dreamless
Discordance Axis - Jouhou (2xLP)
Death From Above 1979 - You're a Woman, I'm a Machine
E
Earth - Earth 2 (2xLP)
Earth - The Bees Made Honey in the Lion's Skull (2xLP)
Earth - Primitive and Deadly (2xLP)
Exhumed - Gore Metal: a Necrospective
Extortion - Degenerate
Extortion - Sick
Expire - Pretty Low
Emma Ruth Rundle - Some Heavy Ocean
Every Time I Die - From Parts Unknown
Explosions in the Sky - Earth Is Not A Cold Dead Place
F
Fever Ray - Fever Ray
Fleet Foxes - Fleet Foxes (2xLP w/ Sun Giant EP)
Fleet Foxes - Helplessness Blues (2xLP)
Full of Hell - Roots of Earth are Consuming My Home
Full of Hell & Merzbow
Facedowninshit - N.P.O.N.
Fall of Efrafa - Inle (2xLP)
Fear Before the March of Flames - Odd How People Shake
G
Grindlink - Longhena
Grunt - Total Disgust
Guns N Roses - Use Your Illusion II
Goatwhore - Constricting Rage of the Merciless
Gatecreeper - Sonoran Depravation
Genocide Pact - Forged Through Domination
Graves at Sea - Documents of Grief
Ghost Bath - Moonlover
H
Howl - Bloodlines
Hookers - Horror Rises From the Tombs
Harm's Way - Blinded
Harm's Way - Rust
Hooded Menace - Effigies of Evil (2xLP)
Have a Nice Life - Deathconsciousness (2xLP)
Have a Nice Life - The Unnatural World
His Hero Is Gone - Monuments to Thieves
I
Illustrations - In Vain
Inter Arma - Sundown
Inter Arma - Sky Burial (2xLP)
Inter Arma - The Cavern
Inter Arma - Paradise Gallows
Iron Lung - White Glove Test
Iron Reagan - Tyranny of Will
Iron Reagan - Crossover Ministry
Inevitable End - The Severed Inception
Inquisition - Obscure Verses for the Multiverse (2xLP)
Inquisition - Invoking the Majestic Throne of Satan (2xLP)
Immortal Technique - Revolutionary vol. 2 (2xLP)
J
Jenny Hval - Blood Bitch
Julien Baker - Sprained Ankle
K
Kvelertak - Kvelertak
Kylesa - Ultraviolet
Kylesa - From the Vaults, Vol. 1
King Dude - Fear
Kingdom of Sorrow - Behind the Blackest Tears
L
La Dispute - Rooms of the House
Lack of Interest - Take Another Step
Loma Prieta - Life/Less
Lord Dying - Poisoned Alters
Look Back And Laugh - Look Back And Laugh
M
Mortals - Cursed to See the Future
Mastodon - Leviathan
Mastodon - Blood Mountain
Mastodon - Crack the Skye
Mastodon - Live at Brixton (2xLP w/DVD)
Miserable - Uncontrollable
Mica Levi - Under the Skin (OST)
Mt. Royal - Mt. Royal
Melody's Echo Chamber - Melody's Echo Chamber
Magrudergrind - Magrudergrind
Misery Index - The Killing Gods (2xLP)
mewithoutYou - Brother, Sister
mewithoutYou - It's All Crazy! It's All False! It's All a Dream! It's Alright! (2xLP)
mewithoutYou - Ten Stories
mewithoutYou - Pale Horses
Massmord/Shades of Grey (Split)
Mutilation Rites - Empyrean
Marissa Nadler - Little Hells
Marissa Nadler - July
Marissa Nadler - Strangers
Mother of Mercy - IV: Symptoms of Existence
N
Nile - Black Seeds of Vengeance
Nile - In Their Darkened Shrines
Nile - Annihilation of the Wicked
Nothing - Guilty of Everything
Nothing - Tired of Tomorrow
Nasum - Inhale/Exhale
Nine Inch Nails - Pretty Hate Machine
Nirvana - Unplugged in New York
Necrophobic - Womb of Lilithu
Nux Vomica - Nux Vomica
Nux Vomica - A Civilized World
O
Off! - Wasted Years
Opeth - Pale Communion (2xLP)
Oathbreaker - Eros|Anteros
P
Primate - Draw Back a Stump
Pity Sex - Feast of Love
Portishead - Portishead (2xLP)
Portishead - Roseland Park NYC Live
Panopticon - Kentucky (2xLP)
Panopticon - Roads to the North (2xLP)
Panopticon - Autumn Eternal (2xLP)
Pharmakon - Bestial Burden
Perturbator - Dangerous Days
Perturbator - The Uncanny Valley
Pallbearer - Foundations of Burden (2xLP)
Pyrrhon - Mother of Virtues (2xLP)
Papercuts - Fading Parade
Papercuts - Life Among the Savages
Portugal. The Man - Censored Colors
Pig Destroyer - Explosions in Ward 6
Pig Destroyer - Prowler in the Yard
Pig Destroyer - Painter of Dead Girls
Pig Destroyer - Terrifyer
Pig Destroyer - Natasha
Pig Destroyer - Phantom Limb
Pig Destroyer - Book Burner
Pig Destroyer - Mass & Volume
Perfect Circle, A - 13th Step (2xLP)
R
Red Fang - Red Fang
Red Fang - Murder the Mountains
Red Fang - Whales and Leeches
Red Fang - Only Ghosts
Red Sparowes - The Fear is Excruciating, but Therein Lies the Answer
Russian Circles - Geneva (2xLP)
Russian Circles - Empros
Rose Windows - The Sun Dogs (2xLP)
Rose Windows - Rose Windows (2xLP)
S
Sleep - Dopesmoker (2xLP)
Sunn O))) - Monoliths and Dimensions (2xLP)
Sunn O))) - Black One
S U R V I V E - RR7349
Super Unison - Auto
The Sword - Age of Winters
The Sword - Warp Riders
Spitboy - True Self Revealed
Still Corners - Strange Pleasures
Stomach Earth - Stomach Earth
Shroud Eater - Dead Ends
Sea Oleena - Shallow
T
Tombs - Savage Gold (2xLP)
Torche - Restarter
Tragedy - Tragedy
Tragedy - Vengeance
Tragedy - Darker Days Ahead
Trap Them - Séance Prime
Trap Them - Seisures in Barren Praise
Trap Them - Blissfucker
True Widow - Circumambulation
True Widow - AVVOLGERE
Touche Amore - To the Beat of a Dead Horse
Touche Amore - Parting the Sea Between Brightness and Me
Touche Amore - Is Survived By
This Will Destroy You - Young Mountain
This Will Destroy You - Live in Reykjavik, Iceland (3xLP)
This Will Destroy You - Another Language
Tomorrow Will Be Worse vol. 2 (compilation)
U
Usnea - Usnea
Unsea - Random Cosmic Violence (2xLP)
Ulcerate - Shrines of Paralysis
W
Weapon - Embers and Revelations
Whirr - Pipe Dreams
Warpaint - The Fool
Warpaint - Exquisite Corpse
Warpaint - Warpaint
Watain - Sworn to the Dark
Watain - The Wild Hunt
Weedeater - Good Luck and Good Speed
Weedeater - . . . And Justice for Y'all
Wreck and Reference -
Wreck and Reference - Want
Wolves in the Throne Room - Diadem of 12 Stars
Wolves in the Throne Room - Live at BBC
Wolves in the Throne Room - Celestite
Wu Tang Clan - 36 Chambers
Y
Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Show Your Bones
Young And In The Way - Amen
Young And In The Way - I Am Not What I am
Young And In The Way - When Life Comes to Death
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Waiting (short story)
Note: (I didn't break this up into paragraphs because I intended for it to be a continuous read. Meant it to be in the vein of the work by Hubert Selby Jr. Also, I would appreciate any and all comments. Positive and negative comments welcome; let me know if you like it.)
Waiting
by Oscar Lopez Jr.
I did fifteen years. Yeah, fifteen long, miserable years. Tossing and turning becomes almost rhythmic, like it's all about of some bigger plan. Like if you toss and turn enough times, in some secret kind of order you'll become numb to it. All of it. After awhile you'll find that your body does get used to it, but your mind doesn't. Your body is locked up, limitations present and staring you in the face as if the hardest character on the yard, standing you down while you sweat and cry out internally. It's a constant cerebral fight for the life or death of your sanity. That persistent drill of the Warden's voice on the overhead speakers, cursing your existence and every breath you take, with every breath he takes. Day in and day out like the ticking of a dismal clock protruding from the chest cavity where there probably should be a heart, and you come to the realization that it's all about time. While you do the time of your penance, your body also counts down till closing time, when it can finally lay up its tarp, punch its card, and never have to work again. What gave me the right to hurt another? What gave 12 cocksuckers the right to decide where I belong? You give the Devil his robes and let him sit upon his throne but you tell him not to sin. We're all hypocrites and we're all liars, but at least I won't sit here and pretend to be changed. Fifteen years I'll never get back, and now my twenty year old daughter calls another man Father. And now she even has her own child to call her Mother. I've waited, but truthfully I don't know for what or whom. Fuck you, you bastards, you can have it all! you've already taken everything else from me. How will I sleep at night when I no longer hear the metal clanking, the sink dripping, and my cellmate snoring, but only after an hour of crying himself to sleep? Will I dream of confinement the way I now dream of freedom? I've been better taken of here than a sixty-five year old broad left in a home by the bastard she birthed, raised, clothed, and worked four jobs to keep in school. It's a vicious circle in the end, and we're all apart of it in some way or other. Even those who choose to stay home, watching with some popcorn as it all falls apart and this little circle proves to be a square. No one wants to pick a side, but every last one of us, and yeah I'll include myself, will point a finger in every direction. We'll become like vampires when the mirror is turned on us, 'cause we can't accept the blame, can we? You're too perfect in your little bubble to say "Yeah, I fucked up. I'm only human . . . this is only temporary." I don't want to be human anymore, or an alien. I just want to be myself. I don't want to be 65 years old, waiting for my kid to come and take me away to that old folks home to be buried alive until death in all it's charity picks me over the others. This ain't no lottery, and I've never considered myself lucky. So, just as my kid rings the doorbell I'm blowing my brains out 'cause I refuse to be buried alive ever again. So you sign that piece of paper and let me go, or don't. I'll stay here growing evermore bitter and finding new shit to complain about for the next time we meet. I'll be here waiting.
Waiting
by Oscar Lopez Jr.
I did fifteen years. Yeah, fifteen long, miserable years. Tossing and turning becomes almost rhythmic, like it's all about of some bigger plan. Like if you toss and turn enough times, in some secret kind of order you'll become numb to it. All of it. After awhile you'll find that your body does get used to it, but your mind doesn't. Your body is locked up, limitations present and staring you in the face as if the hardest character on the yard, standing you down while you sweat and cry out internally. It's a constant cerebral fight for the life or death of your sanity. That persistent drill of the Warden's voice on the overhead speakers, cursing your existence and every breath you take, with every breath he takes. Day in and day out like the ticking of a dismal clock protruding from the chest cavity where there probably should be a heart, and you come to the realization that it's all about time. While you do the time of your penance, your body also counts down till closing time, when it can finally lay up its tarp, punch its card, and never have to work again. What gave me the right to hurt another? What gave 12 cocksuckers the right to decide where I belong? You give the Devil his robes and let him sit upon his throne but you tell him not to sin. We're all hypocrites and we're all liars, but at least I won't sit here and pretend to be changed. Fifteen years I'll never get back, and now my twenty year old daughter calls another man Father. And now she even has her own child to call her Mother. I've waited, but truthfully I don't know for what or whom. Fuck you, you bastards, you can have it all! you've already taken everything else from me. How will I sleep at night when I no longer hear the metal clanking, the sink dripping, and my cellmate snoring, but only after an hour of crying himself to sleep? Will I dream of confinement the way I now dream of freedom? I've been better taken of here than a sixty-five year old broad left in a home by the bastard she birthed, raised, clothed, and worked four jobs to keep in school. It's a vicious circle in the end, and we're all apart of it in some way or other. Even those who choose to stay home, watching with some popcorn as it all falls apart and this little circle proves to be a square. No one wants to pick a side, but every last one of us, and yeah I'll include myself, will point a finger in every direction. We'll become like vampires when the mirror is turned on us, 'cause we can't accept the blame, can we? You're too perfect in your little bubble to say "Yeah, I fucked up. I'm only human . . . this is only temporary." I don't want to be human anymore, or an alien. I just want to be myself. I don't want to be 65 years old, waiting for my kid to come and take me away to that old folks home to be buried alive until death in all it's charity picks me over the others. This ain't no lottery, and I've never considered myself lucky. So, just as my kid rings the doorbell I'm blowing my brains out 'cause I refuse to be buried alive ever again. So you sign that piece of paper and let me go, or don't. I'll stay here growing evermore bitter and finding new shit to complain about for the next time we meet. I'll be here waiting.
Welcome to the first of many blogs!
I'm not too familiar with this whole blogging thing, but I'm willing to give it a go. Especially if it'll mean better chances of getting my writing out to more folks.
I'm not really sure what I'll be writing about, but odds are it'll revert back to anime or music at some point in time. Anime will probably be the majority of what I write about, so be prepared for that. Will also go into my writing style, how I take notes, and the inception of most of my work. How certain stories start with as little as one phrase, and that one phrase becomes a 6,000+ word story.
I will always welcome criticisms.
Don't be afraid to tell me if you don't like something I wrote, don't be afraid to tell me if something feels like it needs more work. I'm not one of those writers who berates people who 'dislike' his work.
I really have no idea what to cover in this. Hopefully you'll join me in this journey, and help me out by participating whenever I ask for judgements on certain poems, short stories, or novellas.
On that note I will be trying to post at least 1 short story every month. Each will be different from the last, featuring an entirely new cast of characters, and each will be open for discussion, for advisories, for critiques. Tell me how I can make it better, what you liked and what you hated.
Can't really think of anything else at the moment. My name is Oscar Lopez, but my poet signature is Oscar Grind, call me by either.
It's nice to meet you.
I'm not really sure what I'll be writing about, but odds are it'll revert back to anime or music at some point in time. Anime will probably be the majority of what I write about, so be prepared for that. Will also go into my writing style, how I take notes, and the inception of most of my work. How certain stories start with as little as one phrase, and that one phrase becomes a 6,000+ word story.
I will always welcome criticisms.
Don't be afraid to tell me if you don't like something I wrote, don't be afraid to tell me if something feels like it needs more work. I'm not one of those writers who berates people who 'dislike' his work.
I really have no idea what to cover in this. Hopefully you'll join me in this journey, and help me out by participating whenever I ask for judgements on certain poems, short stories, or novellas.
On that note I will be trying to post at least 1 short story every month. Each will be different from the last, featuring an entirely new cast of characters, and each will be open for discussion, for advisories, for critiques. Tell me how I can make it better, what you liked and what you hated.
Can't really think of anything else at the moment. My name is Oscar Lopez, but my poet signature is Oscar Grind, call me by either.
It's nice to meet you.
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